It was an interview... well, really it was a conversation between Wedmore and Jen Casey (one of his students, and a successful entrepreneur in her own right) about the power of reframing, which is basically a way of changing the way you think about things so that you are able to reach your goals.
These days, when I am listening to a talk or conversation that I think will be of value, I break out my notebook and markers to start scribing- that is taking notes with a combination of words and pictures.
And this one was full of value!
So let's check out what I got:
I drew this with Crayola markers in a spiral instead of my Big Black Book, just in case I decide to tear these out and put 'em on the wall later...
THE ART OF REFRAMING
Before the conversation even gets started, Wedmore mentions Don Miguel Ruiz's book The Four Agreements, and once they get talking Jen Casey mentions it again, so it's worth noting. I haven't read the book, but to paraphrase,
The Four Agreements are:
Be Impeccable With Your Word.
Don't Take Anything Personally.
Don't Make Assumptions.
Always Do Your Best.
All Identities are Chosen- This wasn't a quote, but a conclusion I made. For example, you might conclude that a person who loses a lot is a loser, but the people who win the most also tend to lose the most.
In other words, being a loser is the result of how one chooses to see themselves after a loss, not the result of losing itself.
Do the Best You Can and Have No Regrets- Casey talks about how she learned that focusing on doing her best at auditions took the sting out of rejections, which are a common part of the process.
This led into a long discussion about Confidence. It's easy to look at Confidence as a natural Identity... Something we either have or we don't. Casey assures us that Confidence starts as a Habit that we must Build Like a Muscle. When our confidence is weak, it is a form of Emotional Atrophy. Like muscles, Confidence must be built, as well as maintained. The Habit of Maintaining Confidence Leads to the Identity of being a Confident person.
You don't have to choose atrophy. Things fall apart on their own.
A big piece of being successful (based on the habits of successful people versus less successful people) is that instead of jumping to dis-empowering conclusions, successful people start by taking in raw facts, then choosing how to interpret them.
Wedmore recounts a story where a student is in a rush to interpret himself as a failure because of a failed product launch. "You are done with interpretation," Wedmore admonishes the student. "Deal with the facts." After analyzing the facts, they concluded that the launch wasn't "bad" per se, just incomplete.
The language the student was using was subconsciously driving his interpretation of reality. The student was so negative about his own efforts that Wedmore had to take away his interpretation privileges!
That's the value of Coaching and Mentoring in action.
We are always Hypnotizing Ourselves. So we should Choose the Perspective that is Most Useful to achieving our goals.
STOP MAKING EVERYTHING SUCH A BIG DEAL- This is important. In his book Wedmore convinced me to see that failure is a construct that I am over-committed to. Things either went as I expected or they didn't. If things didn't go as expected, then I have a lesson to learn. No big deal.
Stop exaggerating the consequences, obsessing about how others will judge us, etc. These are egocentric activities.
What does My Vision Need from Me? Sometimes, the reason we are not completing the steps to get to our big vision is this:
Deep down we we know we will eventually reach a set of tasks that we don't want to do.
"I want _____ but ______" is a sign of two conflicting sets of intentions in our minds that are at cross-purposes. This will lead to procrastination and self-sabotage until it can be diagnosed and reconciled.
"I want to make money with my art, but I don't think my work is good enough" must be transformed into "I want to make money with my art, so I need to find enough customers, clients, and patrons who value my work enough to exchange money for it."
"I want to self-publish, but I hate selling" must be exchanged for "I want to self-publish, so I'm building a system that provides a steady flow of new customers to my website."
"I need help with my business, but I don't trust anyone" can be changed to "I need help in my business, so I'm looking for just the right person for the job."
HARD WORK DOES NOT EQUAL SUCCESS- The ethic of working super hard with your nose to the grindstone is a great idea for the industrial era employee, but it sucks for an entrepreneur. Build and use systems, hire employees, and hire other businesses to handle tasks that they can do better than you, so you can focus on what you're good at.
COMMIT TO JOY! Automate, delegate, or if possible eliminate everything except that which brings you joy. This usually means focusing on what you do best and hiring people or buying solutions that do the other things that need doing.
"CAN'T" IS NOT THE TRUTH- The raw, unflattering fact is that we are largely in control of our situation. It's not that you "can't" afford something, it's that you have not created the situation where you could comfortably buy it.
I have chosen the wrong path, neglected my responsibilities, and focused on the wrong things too many times. Owning that does not mean I am happy about it or proud of it.
Saying "I can't" is playing the victim of your circumstances. But you aren't a victim of your circumstances. Far from it...
I am a creator.
You create your circumstances, one moment at a time.
The choices you have made in the past helped to create the moment you find yourself in now. But you aren't a victim of your past self.
You can choose to take the mindset and the actions of a creator. Using the materials, lessons, and challenges your past self has left for you, create opportunities for yourself.
Own your past choices. Believe in your present self. Honor your hopes for the future.
If all this talk of "hiring" and "buying" is making you queasy, because right now you are trying to get your bread up, we can start fixing that right now!
You just wanna change that "I want _____ BUT _____" to "I want ______ SO (or "and") _______" so you will become more aware of (and attractive to) the people and opportunities you're seeking.
Just work on yourself, and things will fall into place.
My favorite service I provide is my Comic Strip Creation Service.
Whether you're a comedian who wants to make people laugh on social media, a small business owner that is making ads to get more customers, a Sunday school teacher who wants to make their weekly newsletter a must-read, or a mental health professional who helps battered women work through trauma, I love helping people like you to meet their goals with comic strips.